The blog posts I’ve written so far (if you don't love online dating, you're wrong and why online dating for men is easy) have been big picture, motivational posts. In this blog post, I’m going to give you actionable advice.

Pictures are the most important part of your profile, so that’s where we’re starting.

Most guys’ pics are hot garbage. By putting effort into getting good pictures, you will immediately get a HUGE advantage. Remember, success in online dating as a man is all about standing out.

So what makes a picture good?

There is A LOT of nuance that goes into what makes a good picture. I will teach all of that nuance to you eventually. This article will give you a solid foundation from which to build.

I will explain three things you should do, three things you shouldn't do, and three controversial opinions I have that fall into both "should" and "shouldn't" categories.

What You Should Do 👍

Use Your Best Pic First

If pictures tell a story of who you are, then your first picture is the cover of the book. It needs to grab the girl's attention so that she wants to read more. Therefore, your first picture should be your best picture. Common sense.

But how do you decide on your best picture? It’s pretty simple.

Your best picture should be the one in which you look the best. Artistic or interesting pictures are not your best pictures. Your best picture will show you in the best light.

How can you tell which picture shows you in the best light?

It’s going to be the picture in which your face can be seen the most clearly (normally not a body shot), and in particular, one part of your face specifically: your eyes.

The most important part of any picture is your eyes.

If you follow me, you are going to hear me say this a lot.

In your first picture, your eyes should be clearly visible. They can be looking straight at the camera or looking off in the distance. They should not be covered by sunglasses, hidden in shadow, or otherwise obscured.

There is plenty more to say on the subject, but for now, this is your takeaway: your first picture should be a clear picture of your face where you look really good and your eyes are clearly visible.

Hire A Photographer

I know, I know. You don’t want to hear this. Hiring a photographer and going on a photoshoot sounds excruciating. I promise it’s not, and, most importantly, because guys hate this idea, almost none of them do. That gives you a huge advantage. If you are not taking advantage of any opportunity to stand out from other guys, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

99% of guys don’t have a single high-quality pic. They all just use cell phone pics. If you have pictures taken with a DSLR camera that make you look really good, girls will notice. It will make you stand out. It doesn’t even have to be a professional/super-skilled/expensive photographer. You just need high-quality pics. Remember, standing out is the biggest key for being successful in online dating as a man.

To make it less cringe and more fun, I recommend bringing a friend with you. Doing a photoshoot with a friend immediately makes it hilarious and not nearly as painful. Plus, it’s way easier to get good pictures of you smiling/laughing than if you’re doing it by yourself with a photographer you don’t know.

Crop Your Pics

You should be the main focus in most of your pictures. The purpose of them is to show girls what you look like and a little bit of your personality. That means the background of your pictures doesn’t really matter, and you want to minimize empty space. You should be heavily cropping your pictures to make sure you (and your eyes) are the primary focus.

This is another reason to have pictures taken with a nice camera. It becomes much easier to crop pictures without losing quality.

In addition to cropping out unnecessary background and empty space, you should also crop out parts of your body in order to maximize your looks. If your hands look unnatural or awkward, crop them out. If it’s a decent full body pic but your eyes are hard to see, crop out most of your body so that your eyes are more visible (unless it’s a shirtless pic or a picture focusing on your personality more than your looks).

What You Shouldn't Do 👎

No Selfies

Just as 99% of guys don’t have any high-quality pics taken with a nice camera, 99% of guys use selfies on their profile. If 99% of guys are doing something, that means you shouldn’t be doing it.

If other guys are doing it, you don’t stand out. I know I’m being repetitive, but I really want to hammer it into you how important it is to stand out. That’s the foundation of everything I teach.

Not only do you want to avoid common behavior, you also won’t look as good in a selfie as you would in a picture taken with a nice camera. It’s not just about the quality. Cameras on phones can warp your face, accentuating your unflattering characteristics. Plus, I bet you don’t know how to take a selfie without an awkward selfie smile. No, a serial killer expression isn’t better.

No Sunglasses

As I mentioned previously and will mention many more times, it’s extremely important for girls to see your eyes in your pictures. They can’t do that if your eyes are hiding behind sunglasses.

Yet so many guys have pictures of themselves with sunglasses. Selfie pictures with sunglasses. Sitting in a car. If you have any pics like that, delete them right now.

Look, I understand that guys think they look less awkward in pictures with sunglasses. And that’s honestly true a lot of the time. But the only reason that’s true is because they are hiding, and girls are not attracted to guys who hide themselves. Girls don’t trust guys who they can’t see properly.

There are a few instances when it can be okay to use pictures where you’re wearing sunglasses. These pictures should be “vibe” pictures that show your personality. It’s still important to look good in them, but because they’re more about your personality, your eyes aren’t quite as important.

Ideally it is in a location where it makes sense for you to be wearing sunglasses like the beach or a pool.

No Distant Pics Of You With Cool Backgrounds

Almost every single guy has a pic like this, because it’s one of the few times guys have their pictures taken (also, after they catch a fish).

I understand why it seems like a good picture to have. It’s got something interesting or pretty to look at. It might even show you travel or that you have friends. However, it doesn’t do a good job of showing what you look like or your personality. All pictures should show at least one of those two things.

Worst of all, it blends in with all of the other similar pics that other guys have on their profiles. Remember, average = bad.

The only exception is if you can find a way to show off your personality in the picture while still making sure you, at the very least, don’t look bad. Always keep in mind that girls will judge your looks based on your worst picture.

While we're talking about backgrounds, make sure you don't have any negative things in your background, because girls will notice. I'm talking toilets (why do you even have bathroom pics in the first place?), dirty dishes, a messy room, etc.

Do & Don’t 👍👎

Warning: The next three sections will be controversial to some, but they are opinions that I strongly believe.

Listen To Feedback From Women

This applies to feedback about your pictures and dating in general.

Logically, the idea of asking women for feedback about your profile (and how to attract other women in general) makes sense. After all, you are trying to attract women. They can give you a valuable perspective from the eyes of women, and they can also be very helpful when it comes to general advice about things like optimizing your appearance. I’m all for asking any woman in your life for feedback, especially the feedback of women that you go on dates with. Their feedback is invaluable.

However, in general, you should always take women’s dating advice with a grain of salt.

There are a number of reasons for this.

1. Humans in general don’t know what they want. They will tell you one thing but then go for something totally different. This is especially true of women. There’s a reason the cliché exists where women say they want a nice guy but go for bad boys (we’ll examine that later). Same thing for guys- they’ll say they want a nice, low-maintenance girl but then pursue attractive train wrecks.

2. Average girls and hot girls are attracted to different things. Chances are, the girls who are giving you feedback are wonderful humans, but they are more on the average side. What you want is feedback from the type of women who you want to attract.

   As an example, at one point I had in my profile:

   “I don’t just care that you’re hot. You need to be a deep person to keep my attention.”

   I got a lot of feedback from girls that it sounded way too arrogant and conceited.

   However, the most attractive girls said they found it very intriguing. That’s because they live such a different life than average girls. They get so many things, including every single guy they speak to, handed to them on a silver platter.

   That’s why the above quote was so powerful- they had never experienced anything like it from a guy, but it’s exactly how they think themselves. They have so many guys after them that they don’t just care if a guy is hot or has money. He needs to have a lot more going for him. If you, as the guy, have a similar belief, that indicates to the girl that you’re probably as desirable to women as she is to men.

3. Women don’t have experience attracting women as a man. Anything advice you receive from a woman on the subject is purely theoretical. Some women may be better than others when it comes to this, but you're always going to be getting advice from a coach who spent their career studying from the sidelines.

Include Pics With Attractive Girls

This is another great example of when you shouldn’t listen to women. Many of them will say you should never have pictures with other women. They will say it makes a guy seem sleazy. Of course a picture with girls can actually be sleazy, and you don't want that. However, usually the reason they don't like seeing a guy that they're attracted to with beautiful women is because because it triggers their jealousy, and who likes experiencing negative emotions? Understandable.

However, really attractive, confident girls won’t feel jealous. They generally like when they see a guy with attractive women in his life. That’s because attractive women are very picky about who they allow in their life. If a hot girl has already filtered you, that signals to other hot girls that you’re not creepy or uncomfortable to be around. They'll also be intrigued about why these other girls like being around you. You will be seen as more attractive.

The exception to this rule is 1:1 pictures. You never want to have a picture of just you and one other girl. A depressingly high number of guys think it’s a great idea to include pictures of them with their ex. I left that out of the “don’t” part of this article, because I assume anyone reading this is smart enough to know that’s a bad idea, but if you have a picture with your ex, delete that shiz ASAP.

Because quite a few guys do include pictures like that, most women will assume you are romantically involved with any girl who is alone with you in a picture. It comes across as not socially calibrated.

One final note for pictures with girls- they are most effective if the girls are not only hot but also clearly spending time with you because they want to. A picture of you standing in line with some attractive women at a work conference (where they may or may not even know you) is going to be less effective than a candid group pic of you having fun with some attractive girls by a pool.

Edit Your Pics

You should absolutely edit your pics. But don’t make it obvious. These are usually the only edits you need:

1. Lighting (including shadows to define jawline)

2. Remove blemishes

3. Lighten eyes

4. Whiten teeth

5. Remove/adjust anything distracting (eg, from background)

Emphasis on “don’t make it obvious.” Fix blemishes, but don’t remove your skin texture. Whiten your teeth, but don’t make them freakishly white, especially if yours aren’t very white to begin with (get a teeth whitening kit if that's the case). Don’t use filters unless it’s super subtle or black and white.

You should look your best, but it should still look like a realistic picture of you. Highly edited pictures = low confidence (and this applies to girls as well).

Now that I have armed you with a lot of fresh knowledge, you probably have some work to do on your own profile.

I didn't go into much detail about how to get good pictures, what kind of pictures you should have, how to be photogenic, etc. We will get to all of that eventually.

Enter your email address below to make sure you don't miss anything. I'm going to be providing a TON of free content that you will be able to use to transform your dating life.

Eventually I will be launching the greatest dating course that you will ever find, and early adopters will be rewarded. If you are lucky enough to be reading this before it's available, you should go buy a lottery ticket because life is currently smiling upon you.

Until next time.

-Coley